From the Foolishness of Self-Appointed Ambassadors, Oh Lord Deliver Us

      The above line is a variation of the Anglo-Saxon line concerning the Vikings after their raid on Lindisfarne.  The actual quote is "From the fury of the Norsemen, Oh Lord deliver us." You might wonder what the connection could be between self-appointed ambassadors and Viking raiders.  Well they are both devastating to our way of life, they both do way more harm than good, and oftentimes they are both hairy and smelly. 
      One specific self-appointed ambassador I'm thinking of right now is "The Worm, The Bad Boy", Dennis Rodman.  Maybe, just maybe some of you have been wondering the same thing.  What the heck did he do or say while he was over there in North Korea?

      The Bad Boy isn't the first to put on airs thinking he has some great gift as an ambassador, and unfortunately he won't be the last.  He is only the most recent.  One of the notable ones of modern history was Billy Carter.  Unlike Rodman, Billy at least had a flimsy basis for his ambassadorship delusion.  He was President Jimmy Carter's brother. 
      Billy was a continual embarrassment for the President.  He was always being seen publicly getting totally sloshed on beer or hard liquor.  He even got a new brand of beer named after him.  He got a ticket once for peeing on an airport runway, and he went to Libya to visit Jimmy Carter's first arch nemesis Moammar Qaddafi.  It wasn't long after Billy's "ambassadorial" visit that the US got into a military scuffle with Libya.  Some people got captured, and there had to be a rescue.  During the rescue we lost a couple choppers that collided into each other.  This was also an embarrassing moment for President Carter.  Fortunately for him people soon forgot about Billy and the Libya fiasco.  Unfortunately for him and 50 people in the Iran Embassy the reason they forgot about it was because a revolution led by Ayatollah Khomeini took those 50 people as hostages for the remainder of Jimmy Carter's presidency.  But hey, at least most people forgot about Billy!

Billy Carter

Billy appearing on "Hee Haw"

 

The embarrassing brother

Billy Beer

Embarrassment or not, "They's still Family."  The President and his brother chowing down redneck style

 
      Then of course there was Hanoi Jane - Jane Fonda's very damaging Ambassadorial visit to Hanoi during the height of the Vietnam War.  I don't even want to discuss her though.  I might hit the keys too hard and break my keyboard.  All I will say is this.  Her visit was so successful that in VFW halls across the US they have little rubber urinal mats for the urinal mints that have her image on them.  Way to go Jane!

      So back to our most recent self-appointed ambassador, the Bad Boy (He also was in the Vatican as the Cardinals chose the new Pope.  He said he wants to be wherever people need help [ palm to forehead])..  What the heck really happened over in Korea?  I know, he came back and said things like "He's cool man, I love him.  We're homeys."  But how did it really go?  I find it noteworthy that he no sooner than got back from his "diplomatic mission" and Kim Jong Un is all, "we have to build a bunch of nukes and kill everyone in America!!!"
      What,... did Rodman pants him?  Did he make fun of his haircut? (like he's one to talk)  Did he pee on an airport runway?  Maybe he was just trying to help Kim Jong Un look a little more "ghetto" and adjusted his pants to half mast like the prison lover look, and it was misinterpreted as something more hideous.  It could be that the armed body guards who followed him to the airport weren't there to protect him, but to run him out of the country at gun point.  I know that would be my choice for the Rodman.

 Suddenly, there's no more smiles

      I just have one thing to say to that raging, raving mad, bat-crap crazy freak (I'm talking about Kim Jong Un this time, not Rodman).  Watch out you little pipsqueak.  In WWII Neither Hirohito nor Tojo wanted to even think about a land invasion here.  Why?  Because we are the best armed nation in the world.  As Tojo said, "everyone in America has a gun."  That's not entirely true.  Some people here are afraid of guns, and wouldn't think of owning one, but those of us who do own guns more than make up for those who do not.  We have high powered guns with scopes for long range hunting, guns that pack a real punch that are for short range hunting in the thick woods and brush, guns for birds, guns for small game and yes, guns for personal defense.  Some of us even have regular assault weapons just for SOB's like you.  And, we don't just have those guns, we're good with them.  We know how to keep our cool, pause, and take a deep breath, and make a perfect kill shot with only one bullet.  Watch out.

      During the height of the Cold War, neither the Russians nor the Chinese ever thought of invading for the same reasons.  Besides that in WWII (again) the Chinese saw first hand what an angry bunch of Americans can accomplish.  The Flying Tigers were all volunteers, and were privately financed.  They operated on their own, and were not part of the American military, and they kicked some serious butt.  They were a privately organized militia of very peed off Americans bent on revenge.  They kept the Chinese skies clear of Japanese aircraft.  You see Mr. Homey, Kim, if you get privately armed Americans mad enough, they won't wait patiently for you to come to us.  They'll take the fight to you.  They'll be all over you like Piranhas on a pig, and they'll be so driven that our own government won't be able to stop them.  Watch out.
      We are descendants of the people who got kicked out of Europe, and the Indians who didn't want them here.  We come from farmers and hunters and normally would like to live peacefully, but our buttons are easily pushed - it's in our genetics.  When our buttons are pushed - God help you.  Watch out.
      If you choose to ignore my warnings and follow through with your threats of madness, I just hope you take Rodman with you.  While you wait for a swarm of angry rednecks to take you out along with everyone you have brainwashed into thinking just like you, have a couple Billy Beers and relieve yourself on a Hanoi Jane urinal strainer.